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chaos-07

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Hi, everyone. I know it's been a long time sins I made one of these. as a matter of fact, I can't remember the last journal I made.
You might be wondering about the title. so I will just explain.
as many of you may or may not know I went back to one of my old retail jobs. It was tolerable at first but due to the desition of upper management. { the district manager.}  and some other lackluster fellow employees.  The job became more stress filled and more and more of draining on my mental wellbeing and my fiscal health.  I ended up getting stomick and digestive problems as a result. Because I was a dependable and reliable employee I more work was asked of me and I would have to pick up the slack of some of the lazy employees.  {  I will not go into details but my manager agreed,  they were lazy and bad. }
the only reason I stuck with that job was to pay for my art clas's I was taking. I didn't want to have student loans hanging over my head. Even if I was to get some grants that would still not cover my classes. so I was paying out of my own pocket. Three months of work would pay for one art class.  just a couple of months into 2017 they decided to transfer my manager out to another store. To anyone reading this you would think this was a good thing but the truth was I liked my manager. Yes, she would piss me off sometimes but I respected her and was grateful she had hired me back.  I will also say she was tuff but fair. Well after she left things took a now's dive at that place and I know what was coming on the horizon. Mainly a remodel of the hole store and store inventory. Also, I hird a lot of other employees planned to quit. which meant more work to be put on me.
Back in May, I made up my mind that I was going to quit. Yet luck would have it,  one of my teachers was able to get me an art job making 3D assets for an apps company.  Everything ended up going so fast. { they wanted me the day after my interview so I was not able to give my two weeks to for my old place. Its something I felt bad about after getting upset at everyone else that would just leave at my old job} I could not believe I was no doing this. I was also working with guys that got my jokes and like the same shows as I did.  { We would Qouts Rick and Morty all the time. :) }
rather than come right on here and start posting art again I wanted to take the time to get to some of the things that have been on my to-do list for the last three or so years.
 like fully organize my computer. you might not think that is so bad but I had over 5 TB of picks, vids, and link on my computer to sort. :P
not only that but I wanted to work on somethings around the house and at my grandmother's.  It felt good to finally take these things and have the money to get supplies.
now sadly some good things must come to an end.  In this industry, you work from contract to contract and project to project and around November the project wrapped up.  I'm still contracted with the company for the next two month but if there is no project then there is nothing for me to work on. So in a sense, I'm out of work for now.  All is not lost there is some hope. they are trying to bid on some more projects so me and my buddies can have something to work on.  I'm hoping they will get it before the end of this month or by the start of next month.  Till then I'm trying to make the most of my time and motivate my self to work on stuff. Brushing up my portfolio again and getting to that too do list.  witch one of the things on there is to start posting my art again {  i never stopped drawing. I just never had the energy to post it.} I just want to get somethings squared away first, so I don't have to deal with them again. if you know what I mean.
wow, this ended up being longer then I wanted it to but I just wanted to fill all of you in. let you know I'm not dead and I'm wanting to get back to this place.

Here is hoping things pick up work-wise and I'm able to get back on track on with stuff.
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This is a long over do post, Something I have wanted to do for months now but just have not had the time ore had to push it back in favor of other things.

sorry i have not been around as much. I would like to say thats going to change but sadly i’m not sure about that just yet.

At the start of this year 2016 I took a semester off from school.
mostly because the class I wanted to take was full and I needed to save for a new car.

I had hoped to take the time to get somethings dun  like polish some work in my portfolio. Sadly that did not happen.  

My grandmother ended up getting really sick and had to go to the hospital . It got to the point my mother had to take a lot of time off from work.  Before you all get concerned my grandmother  is much better now.  Yet at the time it was really stressful.  My mom was off work and was by my grandmother side most of the time. I on the other hand  still had to work but tried to be there emotionally for the both of them . On my days off work i was getting things ready for my grandmother to come back home or visit with the both of them.  During all this there was some problems at work resulting in me having to work more hours.

So all this meant little to no time to get any of my own stuff dun.  { and really how could anyone argue saying you need more time to your self when your family needs you.}
By the time thing started to come around i was just burnt out and was only able to get a fraction of what i wanted to do for my self.  After that the next term started up and rather then resting i had to jump back into the stress of a day job and home work yet again.  I reached burn out a lot faster and found my self wanting to take the time to just relax rather then push my self like i used too.

I’m about the head into yet another term and some things are a little more under control but I’m still trying to play catch up on other and i’m still just wanting to rest mostly.


I don’t want any of you to take this as me still complaining about what happened. No.
 I’m just letting you all know why I have not been active as much and might not be fore the rest of the year.
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Hi everyone.  I wanted to ask all of my fans out there
If I had a patreon page would any off you support it ?.


I'm asking B/c I've herd others talk about it and asked that their fans help support them. looking on the patreon's sight I think i have an idea of how it works.
Don't worry  that i'm going to start asking for money. With my work lode and lack of free time, I doubt i would be able to offer up little much in the way of incentives or at least keep them up on a consistent bases.

It was just something I was curious about and wanted to ask you guys. My fans that hare still with me.

Right now I'm still trying to hold down two jobs and still go back to art school.  So I'm stretched as it it.
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Well just when I think i'm getting a head  I'm forced to take two steps back.   For months now I've been busting my but at my two jobs  and still trying to get cot up  on all the projects  I'm doing.

I was forced to take this semester off from work after they moved my class to the one day I could not get off from work.   That was a big set back but it gave me some time to breath as I worked on other things.
I was able to finest one of the games I was helping to work.  The other game I'm working on is starting to get into the next faze.  { the the faze where i should not need to draw any more stuff for it.}
so I have been trying to work on art work and hit the CG book as it where be fore my new class start.  

however my lap top a keep tool in my studies stop working to day.  so now I have to take it in and get it fixed.  lost a bout a years worth of notes I made for the class I teach.  so I'm going to have to remake them in I can't save the hard drive. Not to mention put all the programs i need back on it.

its just  so frustrating.
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Hi everyone its time for a another up date.

I wanted to get this out last night wen I was feeling over whelmed again but could not bring my self to right anything. Instead working on something I just trying to lear my head.  I find myself with vary little free time and its really frustrating me. Everyone seems to be wanting my time and I'm getting little to no time too my self.  Seems every time I think I'm going to have time to my self it gets taken away. As some of you know I when back to art college. I'm wanting to do well in the class and impress the teachers so they might recommend me and help me in for a job. The commute is long back and forth, I don't know how many of you have ever had to deal with LA traffic but its the pits. this mend that one day out of the week is mostly taken up
going too and back from class.

I am trying to pay for the classes out of my own pocket. So I'm working two jobs to pay for it. one of the jobs is working retail were I have to serve ice cream at a drug store. I work night so that means not only do I have to serve people but I also have to stalk the shelve and mop most of the store, making sure the bathrooms and the floor, brake room and the ice cream section  are all cleaned at end of the night.  You might not think that is hard but imagine trying to do a task but having to stoping every five mints when ever anybody want ice cream. We are also cut back to such a bair bones staff that there isn't anybody to help me.
the other hard part about working nights is I only have so much time to try and get everything and I do mean everything { keep that in mind for at the end of this} dun during the day before i have to get ready to go to work. Most of the time I only have to work at this job fore days out of the week however next week I have to work five.


The other job I have is teaching kids 3d animation and game design on the week ends. That means I have to get up early to teach after working long into the night and it takes up most of the day.  Some of the kids demand most of my attention. We are just about dun with our currant class project witch means i have to try to make time in the week for the next class assignment. it sort of stinks, i will often spend a hole week trying to work out the bugs of a game so the kids can learn it in just about 2 hours.


I made a commit meant to a college teem to help them work on a game. So i'm also trying to fit in time to make game assets for them during the week before i go off to work. I'm not getting paid for it but the possibilities of making connections later on down the line makes me want to do a good job. thankfully this project will be ending in about 4 more week but its still something I'm trying to fit in now.

Now for the part that is the biggest thorn.
There is another group thet I'm working with where we are trying to get a card game made and out to market.  I made a commitment to see it to the end and I was told the game was just about dun and ready for kickstarter campaign. That was about two years a go. It's been a up hill battle trying the keep the designer on trake and stick to what needs to be dun. Something as an artist i should not have to be doing for his game. I've told the designer about all the things I'm also trying to do { see above }  yet the work lode asked of me is still monumental. Some times being asked to complete 8 design carters. Thats drawn, inked and colors each week. Something that might be reasonable if i didn't have to do anything els and i was getting paid to do it.  Something I have to keep reminding him of.
I've been told that my art is good and they like it but also that its the only thing holding up the project.  Never mind i'm asking them to play test it more So they cane more all the bugs out. I would  stop but i've put to much time into it to try and give up on it at this point. Right now we are trying to work out a contract so everyone is covered and protected. Yet once again I'm the one that is having to go look for a contract and do the research. Something els I'm tearing to fit the time in during the work week.

Some times if i bust my ass and get all that dun I might have a free day to try to work on my own stuff. whether its trying to draw for here or watch some training vids on how to improve some of my other skills.
I have some for how to shade in photo shop.
Working in Unity  
Mays
Zbrush.
How ever that free day is most often taken up with having to do something for family and running some sort of aren around town.
Last day off I had to drive into LA for a parking pass witch took up most of the my day.

now to top it all off every now end then someone that dos not know the hole story will flat out tell me I'm just not working hard enough and i should be pushing my self more. Or they tell me it good to keep your self bizzy,

Now there is keeping your self bizzy and there is just spreading your self wafer thin, with I'm feeling right now. I have no free time right now. Not to watch tv, play games or even go to the movies. Also all my paychecks go to paying for my classes so I don't even get to enjoy the money I'm making.

I'm counting down the days when one of the projects will be dun.
I know I owe some of you out there art and I'm just asking you to understand if you guys don't see me for a while.
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